Ladies and Gentlemen!
After trying my hand at motherhood in 1992, I quickly realized that sometimes a lady has to make choices. I obviously had to follow my dream of becoming a regional celebrity, and so a few of my "responsibilities" fell to the wayside. Thank goodness for Child Services and Family Court for relieving me of some of my burdens and helping me get closer to my dream.
And that's one thing I want you to take home with you today (unless you are already reading this at home.) Don't ever let anything stop you from achieving your dream. I mean nothing. And if you are reading this at home because you have a "career" like me and don't have to go to one of those big buildings with the typewriters and cubicles and stuff, I give you your props! Isn't life great!
But who knew that years later, I would once again get that same itch. Not the kind you get from a toilet seat in my house, or even the kind you get from being the perfect "host," but the kind of itch that creeps up inside you like an inebriated frat boy on a silly dare. Motherhood. Unfortunately (for me at least) I was sterilized here in Louisiana after committing a minor traffic offense. Anyhoo, I have never been one for adoption, well, because Jeez Louise! I felt like my very own daughter was a stranger in my house...Can you imagine if I had a real stranger taking up space, eating my pudding cups, and speaking some crazy language? (If my daughter, Velveeta, is reading this blog, just let me know if mentioning you breaks any of our "rules.")
But that's when I found her! The most beautiful Boston Terrier in all the land! It's amazing when something comes into your life and momentarily makes you care about other creatures. And I didn't have to be pelted with flour to realize that! Her name is Mrs. Danvers, which is also the name of my favorite character in the movie "Rebecca." I named her that, not only because she often whispers in my ear and tries to convince me to throw myself off of cliffs, but because she also bears a striking resemblance to Dame Judith Anderson who played the part in the movie...you know, dressed in all black with a collar, and eyes on the sides of her head that seem to glare "I don't want to live here with you!"
Mrs. Danvers Mrs. Danvers
Uncanny! So here a few photos of my darling Mrs Danvers from the past six months! Enjoy!
Two Months Old
Three Months Old
Four Months Old
Five Months Old
She's the submissive one. I really don't know where she learned that.
Six Months Old
Dinner Time! No, Danny! I won't forget to pick you up a
Double with Cheese and a Biggie Fry!
She's just like her mother, I swear!
And lastly, here is a cell phone video of the first time I ever sang to her when she was only two months old! Turn up your volume! You can just imagine how she feels knowing that I will serenade her incessantly for the rest of her entire life. And even though it "appears" as if she is lunging at my throat at the end of the video, she actually enjoys my 3 hour daily warm-ups...
Don't worry about me,