Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Los Angeleez, Please!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I'm up late packing my bags, getting ready to go to Los Angeles to film a TV special! I know! WOWWIE! And if you live in the area, you can come to the taping! Just look on my "TOUR SCHEDULE" page for details!

I will be sharing the stage withe the hilarious Jackie Beat, and my dear friend, Miss Coco Peru!

Anyhoo, I don't get to take Mrs. Danvers because I have such a hectic schedule for ten days and I don't want to put my little baby through all of that. OH GOD I MISS HER ALREADY! She will be staying with my neighbor LaSwan (Lady Across the Street Without A Name). I love LaSwan, but she likes to put peanut butter on her toes and then lets Mrs. Danvers lick it off. I won't even tell you where she likes to put slices of bologna. Then Mrs. Danvers uses that same mouth to kiss me...

On a side note...I didn't know that having a boyfriend spit in your face was a bad thing, until Whitney said it all teary-eyed...and Oprah seemed to agree. My last boyfriend, who shall remain nameless not just for legal reasons, but also because I can't remember, used to spit on everything during lovemaking while he kissed me. Me, himself, the remote. Everything. If I only I had realized this was a personal revelation, I could have been on Oprah. Or at least Wendy Williams...

Is a dog's mouth really cleaner than a human's? My ex-boyfriend's definitely seemed fresher than Mrs. Danvers.

Just a side note.

Don't worry about me,


Blogger Tori said...

Poor Mrs. Danvers! She will miss you so much!

Yea! Varla's back!

September 17, 2009 at 5:19 AM  
Blogger Sarai said...

Ohhh wow.... Missed your blogs woman!!! I hope your one night stand up shows on logo because I need some laughs! Life is soooooo boring without your wonderful videos!!! Any way, good luck and have fun sweety! Live yahh

September 17, 2009 at 2:38 PM  

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