Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Meet me in St. Louis!

Ladies and Gentlemen!

Now that I have finished VARLA JEAN AND THE MUSHROOMHEADS! I am off to St. Louis to perform in a gorgeous cabaret with my cohort on piano, Tom Shaw. If you know anyone in St. Louis (that doesn't work for law enforcement) tell them to come to the show! One night only! Click on the logo for details!

Click this, lady!

Anyhoo, some of the best moments of my life I have realized have been in my car enjoying a drive-thru daiquiri. I know drinking and driving may seem a little "progressive" to the rest of the world, but in New Orleans it just seems right. I laughed and laughed yesterday driving around the Garden District with LaSwan (Lady Across the Street Without A Name) celebrating her recent success in getting her cosmotology license. She has agreed to do my hair, so I'm gonna leave it at her place while I go up north! Then LaSwan told me she was going to bed early. However when I walked Mrs. Danvers and was going through LaSwan's trash this morning, I saw this.

Guilty.

Someone didn't go to bed early. I know a party when I see one. Even it's in someone's trash can.

Anyhoo, as I was walking Mrs. Danvers, I walked by a contactor's truck and noticed out of the corner of my eye that he was scratching something that must have been itching pretty badly. I poked my head into his vehicle and asked him if he was okay. We had a long conversation and the whole time he kept scratching! Like a wild animal! I must admit that I had ulterior motives for sticking my head into a strange, yet appealing contractor's window.


Aqua duct.

You see, I have had a crack in the bottom of my bathtub for years. I have tried to cover it with duct tape, but it keeps gettin bigger. I keep telling all the people who take showers at my house that it happened during Katrina, but I can tell that I'm not that good of an actress, because I know that disapproving look of "white trash" pretty well at this point.

I will never forget while I was on tour with the Broadway revival of "CHICAGO" how another "actress" told everyone in the cast that my toothbrush case was actually an empty, used toilet paper roll bent around the head of my brush. I was green when green wasn't cool... But that was the first time I recall the "white trash" disapproving look.

Even Mrs. D sometimes gives me that "look."

Anyway, after the contractor took a shower, he told me he would be back today to work on my plumbing and fill my crack. Let's hope. It is so big now that it is leaking all over the place.

And let me tell you, if you've never sat in a bathtub taking a bath that has a duct tape patch in it, DON'T! Sometimes the tape can curl around the edges and then attach itself to sensitive parts of your body that are covered in hair. Well, that "used" to be covered in hair...

Don't worry about me,
VJ

5 Comments:

Blogger Tori said...

Is it wrong that when thinking about the duct tape bathtub I immediately thought "Hey, cheap wax job?"

May 12, 2009 at 2:56 PM  
Blogger Sarai said...

Oh Varla... i have experienced the whole tape situation.... now there is a bald spot on my thy... lol... where did the tape "wax" you... lol! =]

May 16, 2009 at 2:40 PM  
Blogger Sarai said...

ohh and atleast you cared about the planet while everyone else was worrying about whether their tooth brush case was plastic or not... =]

May 17, 2009 at 5:36 PM  
Blogger Gabe said...

Loved the show! It was a pleasure meeting you.

Here's my review.

May 18, 2009 at 3:14 PM  
Blogger Billy said...

That pic of Mrs. Danvers is TOO CUTE!!!

May 20, 2009 at 11:28 AM  

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