Saturday, January 3, 2009

Free refills

Ladies and Gentlemen!

I was driving around New Orleans yesterday thinking, "I wish someone fabulous could do my hair right now!" Luckily at that exact moment, I rear-ended Jossie! Fabulous! After we exchanged insurance information, I sat in her front seat and she did my hair! The tools of her trade were overflowing out of the backseat of her Pontiac Grand Am! It was like being in a high-end salon, but without all that frivolous comfort.

This was no accident.

Good thing I got the hair styling before Jossie realized I made my insurance card on my own computer. It's not my fault! I had to because I know the police haul you into jail if you don't have insurance, and I am not going back there. Not twice in one week, believe you me... Thank you, Jossie!

Then, I was off to the Walgreen's to pick up some prescriptions. I realized after I picked them up that they weren't for me. I was so ashamed! Obviously, at that fancy New Year's Eve party I went to in the warehouse district here in New Orleans, I must have gone into the host's bathroom and called in refills on all of his prescriptions, then inadvertently picked them up before realizing I didn't give my own name to the pharmacist! Oh, Lord. Now what do I do?

Anyhoo, I strolled down the toy aisle and became pretty upset with how violent some childrens' toys have become. Thank goodness I had a whole bottle of Judge Chaisson's generic Clonzepam to calm me down. (Does anyone know what Propecia does? I've been handling the tablets.)

Play this.

Don't worry about me,


Blogger noTorious said...

If that chipmunk doll actually said that when you squeezed it, I would have 10 of them and pass them out for birthdays and such.

You are fierce, Varla!

January 3, 2009 at 1:15 PM  
Blogger Varla Jean Merman said...

It didn't say that! I did! But, for a small, reasonable fee, I could come to your birthday party, barmitzfah, or gay wedding and hand them out while saying it!

January 3, 2009 at 3:17 PM  
Blogger noTorious said...

It would also make a terrific voicemail!

"Hi, this is Tori, I'M GONNA KILL YOU. I'M GONNA KILL YOU." *beep*

You could pass them out at my parent teacher night. That'd be a conversation starter!

January 3, 2009 at 3:42 PM  
Blogger Geoff said...

I wish you would have posted pics of the end result...I'll bet is was fabulous lol.

January 4, 2009 at 4:41 PM  

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