Monday, December 29, 2008

Silence amongst the yams

Ladies and Gentlemen!

While in Los Angeles, I had Christmas dinner with my good friends Edema and Boniva, who work at the Home Depot on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. I met them several years ago when I was searching for a blow torch for a sculpture project that unfortunately ended in tragedy. I'll be able to talk more about that when the proceedings have concluded. But a word to the wise -- cantilevered steel should be properly grounded in public spaces.

Unfortunately Edema was furious that I brought my own "beverage" with me to the dinner party. I thought I was doing them a favor and just assume every party is a "Bring Your Own Beverage." I'm from New Orleans! We invented the "Go-Cup."

She wondered why I didn't bring a bottle of wine that everyone could enjoy and asked me to throw my cup away, because it "disrupted her table setting." I refused, mainly because I had put a pricey spirit in the cup, unbeknownst to them. I told them we could pass it around the table throughout the meal like Jesus did with the loaves of bread and the fish. "Hey! And maybe Jesus himself would make it a bottomless libation!" Edema didn't think that was a "swell" idea.

I never told them how much libation I had put in the cup, but I think they figured it out by the end of the meal. No one said a word during the entire dinner "party." My hiccups, however, spoke volumes.

My holiday spirit.

I may not be invited next year. Well, unless I get some more national television coverage that will make them want to be around me a little bit more. I really need my own TV show at this point so that I get all my friends back. Here's to the New Year!

Don't worry about me,


Blogger Geoff said...

YAY!! More Varla!! Love to see you on tv!! Also just watched Ruby Red Dress……TRIPLE LOVED it!

December 29, 2008 at 2:07 PM  
Blogger Varla Jean Merman said...

You're the sweetest!

December 29, 2008 at 9:08 PM  
Blogger The Baby Jamal Higgins said...

Good lord! You were down here in L.A.? We missed you! No worries, while you were living it up with Latrina and Pretzeletta, or whater their names were, we were eating wet cigarettes in the dark!

January 4, 2009 at 7:55 PM  

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