Stoop to a new low

Ladies and Gentlemen!

Last night, LaSwan (Lady Across the Street Without A Name) and I had a glass of wine on her front stoop. Well, as you ladies know, put a few bottles of wine into two single gals and you know where it leads to! Sex! Not physical sex...LaSwan's not interested. We talked about sex, right there on the stoop! It was very "Sex in the City" meets "227."

LaSwan confided in me, on the sole condition that I didn't breathe a word to anyone, that she has been making love to the garbage man for weeks! But, he has to perform quickly so that he can catch up with the truck at the end of the block. This has led to a little dissatisfaction for LaSwan. In fact, she only gave it a "2" out of "5" on her love-making satisfaction scale. I, of course, wanted to know the qualifications for each rating in her scale.


LaSwan's Lovin' Rating Scale













Lovin' so bad...
Hair doesn't move.



















Lovin' so-so...
Hair requires slight
adjustment.

















Lovin' not bad...
Hair shifts
during flight.

And you end up looking
like Rihanna.

















Good lovin'!
Hair comes
off head.

















Hot-damn lovin'!
Wig KNOCKED off. Can't find wig after. You don't even care!




Of course, LaSwan's rating system doesn't work for me because it doesn't take into account my all-natural tawny auburn locks.

Here's the same scale, but for those of you who have busy lives like me and don't have time to scroll.




Don't worry about me,
VJ