Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Ladies and Gentlemen!

I am sorry I was MIA the last two weeks, but show biz called, and I had to answer and put you darling people on hold. I hope you didn't hang up and block me!

We opened the new show at Le Chat Noir on Thursday and I was TERRIBLE! The Mushroomheads, Brooks Braselman and Ricky Graham were amazing, however! But, by Saturday, I finally started to get it together! And by this Saturday, it should be excellent!

Here's a little sneek peek!

Brooks Braselman, me, and Ricky Graham!

Thanks to Michael Von Redlich who took the photos, Cecile Casey Covert who did the costumeries, music director Tom Shaw, percussionist Carl Mack, stage manager Brian Johnston, producer Mark Cortale, Su and Thad at Le Chat, and our director Donna Drake! Provincetown, here we come!

Don't worry about me!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

My big opening!

Ladies and Gentlemen!

VARLA JEAN AND THE MUSHROOMHEADS opens tomorrow night here in New Orleans! I will be back on my regular blog "schedule" after that, I promise.

Remember, all of this is for you. Because I love you.

Don't worry about me,

Friday, April 17, 2009


Ladies and Gentlemen!

We start dance rehearsals for my show this morning! I practiced all day yesterday at the bar. Once this show is up I will once again be able to devote all my time to you guys! Mrs. Danvers is very upset with me and my current schedule and has found a new hobby. Rug-munching. Literally. And it wasn't even my rug!

Don't worry about me,

Monday, April 13, 2009

Sunday in the park with me!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I was in Audubon Park in New Orleans on Sunday, bird watching. I adore the white swallow and make it a point to come every Sunday.

But no white swallow! Instead I found these items.

Black leather glove.

Maybe I've watched too many soap operas, and if I were in New York I wouldn't think anything of this. But, being in hot, muggy New Orleans, I can't help but think a chic strangler was on the prowl.

Moist lips.

Did the strangler use this before or after the crime. Neither, Jessica Fletcher! No one chic enough to wear a black leather glove in New Orleans in April is going to be using a generic brand lip moisturizer. Could this have belonged to the lady that is now in someone's trunk? I needed some Chapstick, but I decided not to take this no-name concoction. Besides, I tried it and didn't like the taste. Tasted like a strangled lady.


I love this flowering tree and they are so gorgeous here, right now. The tasty blossoms make stunning garnishes for omelets and desserts.

I waited around to see who owned this truck.

Firearms instructor and Nascar Fan.

I know he would be sexy, and I know I'd hate him. Both of which are qualifications for me to date someone.

The reason why this blog is as exciting as an Enya Concert is because I am opening my new show in a little over a week. I wanted to write about something else, so I was reduced to digging through bushes in the park. Well, I usually do that anyway, but without the camera. Well, I have taken a few shots in the bushes, now that I think of it.

Don't worry about me,

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Mushroomheads!

Ladies and Gentlemen!

I have been so busy, here in New Orleans, rehearsing for the new show! And look at this! It is the poster for the show that features Ricky Graham and Brooks Braselman.

VJ and the Mushroomheads! Opens April 23rd!

Thank you so much to the brilliant Glen Hanson who did the illustration. Go to www.glenhanson.com to sample more of his genius!

Don't worry about me,

Friday, April 3, 2009


Ladies and Gentlemen,

I did this a while back and thought you guys would like to see it! That's Yvette Hargis, Ricky Graham and Brooks Braselman. Thanks to Bill Blanke, who filmed and edited the sucker!

Don't worry about me,

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The loser is...

Ladies and Gentlemen!

The BIG EASY AWARDS were held on Monday, here in New Orleans, at Harrah's Casino. I lost. And my friend Ricky Graham lost, too, so that made me feel a lot better.

Me (on the left) and Brian Johnston, Stage Manager Extraordinaire!

Me and a non-loser, Miss Dorian Rush!

Dorian Rush looks amazing! She's lost so much weight and was gorgeous in DIE MOMMY! DIE! And, she is in my TEQUILA MAKES HER CLOTHES FALL OFF video, but as a much larger lady! Look!

Anyhoo, Miss Jennifer Coolidge and Mister Brian Batt were also in attendance! Is it just me or do I seem like a third wheel in this photo? That's the problem with three-ways. While two people are having a good time, the other is left out, either licking someone's feet or going through someone's wallet. Brian has a nice thick wallet. Jennifer has movie star lady feet.

Luncheoning with Roz. (If you get that, you are REALLY gay...)

Pas de deux.

Miss Coolidge is actually good friends with my friend Nora Burns! Nora, if you recall, just played Ant Coulter in a video I filmed last week in San Fran Suzy!

Nora Burns as Ant Coulter!

But, the night was truly hilarious for me because of this lady.

My employee, Yvette Hargis.

Don't worry about me,