Sunday, June 14, 2009

Busted Flat In...

Ladies and Gentlemen!

Don't worry about me,

Friday, June 12, 2009

I'm off!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I'm off to Baton Rouge tomorrow to do a show on Sunday! I have never performed while people are eating brunch, but I have a feeling that I'm gonna go well with an omelet and side of bacon.

If you have friends in Baton Rouge, "busted flat in," to quote Miss Joplin, tell them that I'm a-coming! See my tour schedule page for details!

Then, I'm off to New Hampshire, where they are allowing the gays to marry! I'm doing a show in Portsmouth, NH, next Sunday, so check my tour schedule page for details! For some reason, I am not on the website, but I am really performing there. I hope they are not embarrassed or something! But you can call (603) 433-4472 for the info!

Then, finally I arrive in Ptown to start VARLA JEAN AND THE MUSHROOMHEADS! My dear friend Bobby is coming with me to promote the show, and we are even going to live together! Me, Bobby, and Mrs Danvers! It's going to be like "Three's Company!" But, Bobby really is gay. Who will be Mrs Roper?

Mrs. Danvers gives me a pedicure.

Bobby is a funeral director here in New Orleans but is taking time off to promote my show this summer. There is a joke in there, somewhere, but it's too easy, so if any of you, my dear readers, want to come up with a joke about a mortician handling my body, feel free to post a comment!

Bobby and his cadaverwagon.

Bobby is also "between apartments" and so we put a lot of his belongings in my storage locker. When I got in Bobby's van to go to the locker, I became aware of a distinct aroma. Turns out, Bobby was given the van by the city during Katrina to collect dead bodies after the storm. And, then he used the same van to transport dead bodies to the funeral home since then. And, although he washes it down, some smells can linger. Hey, but a set of wheels is a set of wheels, right?

If you think I'm joking about all that, your dead wrong. Tee-hee.

I love y'all! And I can't wait to relax in Provincetown!

Me and a "friend" relaxing in Provincetown, 2005.
If anyone knows who this is, shoot me a line!

Don't worry about me,

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Gay Days!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Don't worry about me,

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Ladies and Gentlemen!

Do you have friends in Orlando? Because, I'm going to be performing there this week at the Parliament House! Friday thru Sunday during Gay Days! Want more info on the show?

If you like it then you better put a click on it!

Anyhoo, I was driving around New Orleans yesterday and thought to myself "If I had a baby, and I wanted to go to the Club all night, and I didn't want anyone I know to know that I was gonna be out all night, where would I put my baby?" Well, presto! My prayers were answered!

And at only $3.00 an hour! I can stay out for 10 hours and only be out of pocket $30? And, they are licensed "Class A!" Now I just need to get a baby. Well, another one. One that is in my custody. (No fault of my own. Velveeta just kept running away. If I hadn't lived near an interstate, no one would have ever known...)

Speaking of my baby...

Mrs. Danvers doing her imitation of Mickey Rooney in "Breakfast at Tiffany's."
Actually, this may be her imitation of Bea Lillie in "Thoroughly Modern Millie."
I get them confused.

Don't worry about me,